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The Help Abuse!

11/02/2022

Once a person shared his transformation from a kind soul to a rigid person. He said that helping others and giving them space was synonymous with worshipping for him. He could not see others suffering and seeing his efforts contributing to the pain alleviation of others always brought pleasure to him.

The same person is now annoyed by the smile that plays on the lips of people on getting a favor. He’s now scared of the twinkling eyes of the people whom he helped out. Generally, the reason is “The Help Abuse”!

Many times, when he offered help to the people in his surroundings, they appreciated the favor in toxic ways. They started relying on him without caring about his own needs that how he alone would manage everything, his burdens and of others too? His kindness and soft nature were perceived as a vulnerability. He was hit in different ways from emotional blackmailing to fraudulent acts. Most disturbing were the violations of his boundaries by those who were in relationships or at work very close to him. Being generous had become synonymous with being exploited repeatedly because he never said “NO” which empowered the offenders every time.

After listening to his story, I felt that I have heard similar stories before. Where lies the problem?

I think when it is preached that we should be nice to others somehow the limits of being good are neglected. It is injected in us that one who gives away his everything which can be emotional support or material is the best person and those who set boundaries are mean and selfish. Setting limits is perceived as a negative thing because generally people are “taking oriented”. They will give a certificate of being good to that person who can give more. Yes, there exist actual victims and deserving people but self-proclaimed victims are not less in number. Such people are always playing the role of a victim in every situation. They never accept their responsibility in any situation rather get relaxed by burdening the shoulders of others. Some innocent generous souls cannot distinguish between the deserving victims and the player victims which leads to the exploitation of the giver.

I believe that setting healthy boundaries is very important and if you say “NO” to others when uncomfortable, it does not make you mean or a bad person. It is a step towards self-care. As stated earlier, people are usually “taking oriented” which is linked with a large number of player victims around us. If we start accepting responsibility for our actions and try to help ourselves first instead of expecting everything from others, we can change this orientation. The way of abusing the space given by the generous people by putting extra burdens on them and not acting sensibly in your situations can turn kind people into rigid ones. Kindness cannot survive in the suffocation of selfishness from the end of the player victims also, this is the exploitation of the deserving ones.

Everyone should accept the responsibility of their matters and the help offered by others in times of need should be valued and respected by caring about the boundaries of the giver. There should not be “The Help Abuse!”